Emilaha (most_smartest) wrote,

Oh the sweet taste of bitterness

Every year i don't make any resolutions, because i know i have no willpower. I never say that i am going to lose 20 lbs because i know that the big bag of m&m's is mighty tasty. The only thing that i say every year is "i hope this year will be better." Now i got to thinking and i realized that that statement is really depressing. I am a really depressing person. It took me almost 24 years to realize this.

So far this year has been strange...

I had to work on new years and then i came home and sat on the couch watching movies while my aunt and her ladyfriend were snuggling (in the way that only happy couples who are so in love and they never have any problems do) and i will admit i was somewhat depressed. New year's is the day that everyone hopes they get to go out kiss a stranger at midnight and enjoy a fresh start. I don't think that i am fully living my life to its fullest.

I had to work on new year's day and it totally blew. I yelled at an old woman and my boss told me that i was his new favorite employee.

I found out that i got some financial aid, but it is only enough to cover half of my tuition (if they consider me a resident, if not i am totally fucked), so now i have to figure a way to come up with that other half. I am still waiting for paperwork to go through before i can see how my credits transferred and what classes i can take. I really hate having to wait till the last minute to get everything done, but i will do anything that i have to do in order to get into school. I also have to figure what i am going to do with my trip to england. I currently have no money (less than money actually) and i have to take a lot of time off of school in order to go. Part of me just really wants to say "i just can't go". I want to be responsible and not have to keep sponging off others charity. I really feel like i have been lately.

I wish that someone would call or text me. I really want to talk to someone. Fuck.

I went to the movies last night to see the holiday. It was free for me to get in at work and so i thought, what the hey?, i'll go. I hate movies like that. They just remind me how alone i am. Everyone is so happy and pretty in the end and everything works out perfectly for them. I hate them all. That's right, bitter party of one right here.

I think i need a nap and i really want to take my contacts out.
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